Reason #15: John Halama

If you point that finger at me one more time, John Halama, I WILL BITE IT OFF!

John Halama had one talent that allowed him to be a Major League baseball player and that talent was pissing me off. No, seriously, I'm not sure how this guy cut it in the majors. Let me make an completely arbitrary gut-call here and say that unlike the wise sage, Jamie Moyer, who throws soft because his huge brain weighs him down too much to throw 90+ mph, John Halama made a choice to throw like yo mama after I work her out. Yeah, I went there. After our "bullpen sessions", I make yo mama throw a mid-80s sinking fastball with nasty movement and a nice 12-6 curve.

The main thing I remember about John Halama is that he once said baseball was a job and that's all it meant to him. I feel that is a pretty good attitude for a garbage man...ahem...sanitation specialist but if you get paid to play a sport for a living, even if it's one you hate like bocci ball, it's probably a good idea to keep your mouth shut since there are about a million people that would cut off their little toe to switch with you.

At least he was a real friendly guy. Here's an interview transcript with him:

Q. How have you done against the Yankees in the past?

JOHN HALAMA: You guys have the statistics. Look at them.

Q. Did you come to Yankee Stadium --

JOHN HALAMA: No.

Q. Never?

JOHN HALAMA: Never came to Yankee Stadium. Went to one Met game my whole life.

Q. Where did you live in Brooklyn?

JOHN HALAMA: I live in Brooklyn.

Q. Where?

JOHN HALAMA: It's irrelevant.

I feel ya, John. I hate when reporters try to do their job. Too bad you sucked at yours.