Reason #46: The Curious Case of Justin Dentmon

You may have heard about the new Brad Pitt movie, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, which is destined to win an Oscar simply for its special effects. In it, Pitt's character is born an octagerian-looking baby, only to become younger-looking each year as he grows older in age.

Fear not, Justin Dentmon was not born a senior citizen nor is he adopting children from Malaysia with Angelina Jolie. He proudly presents his own type of mystery that needs cracking.

Dentmon appeared on the stage as a highly recruited player from Illinois. He was the point guard to replace Will Conroy. He was the heir apparent to the throne vacated by Nate Rob's early exit to the NBA. He was cool, calm and collected, his demeanor on the court matching his coach's, sleepy expression for sleepy expression.

Dentmon's freshman year was a success. Despite the rough moments like the foul in the final seconds, up 3, on the desperation heave by WHERE YOU NOW YOU ANNOYING PIECE OF Stanford guard Chris Hernadez, which enabled the mighty Tree to tie the game and go on to win, Dentmon brought excitement to the program. This guy had guts. He had heart. He was clutch.

Go to 2:20 of the video and watch. You'll see what I mean.

Look at how he goes to the line and drills clutch free throws to ice the game. Look at the four point play! This kid had arrived. Maybe.

His per game averages were solid, 8.3 points, 3.5 rebounds, 3.8 assists. With Spencer Hawes and a few other top recruits coming in for the 2006-2007 season, those numbers should bounce up, right? Right? Righhhhhhhht?

Well, they did: 10.1, 4.0, 3.6. However, Dentmon's inconsistent play at the point hampered the team down the stretch and they ended up missing the NCAA tournament. Hawes jumps to the league, kids apply to transfer, blah blah blah. Someone was going to have to score more points and it was either going to be Brockman or Dentmon.

Well, it was Brockman. Dentmon not only averaged less points per game but also found himself in Coach Lorenzo Romar's doghouse, getting his minutes diminished for freshman Venoy Overton. He began to look like a deer in the headlights. The guy had obviously lost his mojo. The memories of the freshman sensation had all but disappeared.

What does this prove? That Dentmon misses Brandon Roy. A lot.

Yes, we all know Roy filled up the stat sheet but he also brought confidence to everyone around him. The guy was key to Dentmon's swagger. When he left, it did too. Roy carried everyone on that team as all great players should. Jamal Williams was suddenly a unstoppable force in the post. Bobby Jones was hitting jumpshots from the wing. Mike Jensen got to look like a D1 basketball player! Teams game planned for Roy first and everyone else second. Take that away and Dentmon has struggled.

I have hope for his senior year. In the game vs. Florida, Dentmon scored 14 points in the 1st half, but then frustratingly disappeared in the 2nd, finishing with 17. Still, for a brief stretch of time, he played up to the potential he showed three years ago.

I have no real stat to back this up other than his 20 points in the upset vs. UCLA last year, but I don't really care. Mark my words: In every big Husky win in the last three years, Dentmon has had a good/great game. He is the key to this team and if they want to make the tournament, he needs to play well.

It's time to see that freshman Justin Dentmon once again.

Reason #45: Ty Willingham...AGAIN

"But M-Pop! You already did Ty Willingham! That's against the rules!"

RULES?!? There are no rules and if there were I'd be the one making 'em. Plus, look, it's a picture of him while he was at Notre Dame so it's completely different.

In case you were watching an important football game this weekend, the UW Huskies cemented their place as the worst team in college football and maybe the worst in Pac-10 history by losing the Apple Cup to the Washington State, 16-13 in 2 OTs. Players, including resident complete badass Jordan White-Frisbee, left the field with tears streaming down their faces. Senior TE Michael Gottlieb got choked up in the post-game press conference. Nate Williams laid prone on the field for a good five minutes after the kick went through.

Play for the Ty Willingham (see what I did there? YEAH!) made two decisions that absolutely killed me. The first and most talked about happened on 4 and 3 on the WSU 36 with 2 minutes left. Instead of giving your team a chance to win the GAME up 10-7, you punt and hope the other team loses it. Punt goes into the endzone, one play later they're back past the 36. Good call! It's not like you'd ran for 224 yards already. It's not like every senior on that offensive line wasn't going to try to kill the guy in front of him to finally win a game.

The play that really got my goat and when I knew that UW was going to lose came in the first overtime. WSU had already kicked a field goal. The Huskies had 3 and 6. Instead of taking a shot, you know, and try to win, they ran the ball and settled for kicking the field goal thus PLAYING NOT TO LOSE! You know what, I would've rather had Fouch throw a pick right there and lose that way then try to play the field goal kicking game. It's extremely comical considering that Tom Osbourne once went for two with a national championship on a line instead of playing for a tie. He failed but at least had his dignity intact. What were you playing for, Ty? You have absolutely nothing to lose. You're already fired!

I respect you as a person, Ty, but as a coach and a leader of men, I'm not so sure anymore. Real classy throwing freshman CB Quinton Richardson under the bus about the 47 yard completion in the final seconds to set up the game tying field goal. You said you didn't know what was going through the young man's head on that play. I'm guessing it was the attitude shown by his head coach every game. Maybe he was trying not to lose, instead of trying to win.

Reason #44: Dancing Groundskeepers

Dancing with the Stars, it ain't. Somehow, 3 years and countless 3rd inning breaks later, those loveable dancing groundskeepers just can't seem to improve. Yeah, they're not talented, and yeah, they basically have the same routine every time to a different tune. But honestly these guys are pretty much harmless, if a bit (or, depending on how frequently you frequent Mariners games, maybe a lot) old, tired, unexciting. Past their prime. But they don't hurt anyone.

No, the real problem is that these guys regularly get the loudest cheers all night at Safeco Field. I'm having trouble coming up with a word other than 'sad,' but honestly, that pretty much will suffice.

Reason #43: Jermiah Pharms

Jermiah Pharms is exactly the type of athlete the current Washington Huskies don't have. When he anchored the defense that helped his Huskies win the Rose Bowl and finish 3rd in the nation, you could've used any of the following descriptions for him: Physical. Bruising. Terrifying. Makes You Wet the Bed. Makes You Have Nightmares. Makes Your Nightmares have Nightmares.

Just watch this highlight video of him in high school:


If that's not enough, check out what he did during real games:

Pharms, a 250-pound linebacker from Sacramento, Calif., was a star at the UW. He bench-pressed more than 400 pounds, sported a pit-bull tattoo, and sometimes, during games, locked eyes with an opposing player and proceeded to urinate, the stream darkening his pants. He did this to intimidate. After all, who'd want to go against someone as crazy as that?

Pretty nasty, huh? Even more so when you consider he played all of his senior season with his FINGERPRINTS WERE CONNECTED TO A SHOOTING. Yes, that's right. His fingerprints were on the door handle of the car that was used for the get away. Oh, and the suspect's description was a man of massive build with the initals, J.P.

Hmm. That does kinda sound familar. Give me a second and I may be able to place it.

Oh and of course, UW protected him. He didn't get charged until after he was drafted by the Clevand Browns in the 5th round. He was sentenced to 3 years and 5 months in prison.

In case you were wondering, Pharms didn't graduate and get a degree but really, what are college athletic scholarships about?

Hint: The answer's not "Winning football games"

Reason #42: The Daily Kos

Huh? What in the blue hells is a sports blog doing calling out the largest liberal politics website on the intertubes? I hear you thousands of you clamoring this very question. Fear not, I have an answer.

Seattle's very best independent sportswriter, Dave Cameron of USSMariner.com, is in a contest for a 10,000 dollar scholarship. The winner of an online poll gets the cash. As he is a student, and still finds time to write passionate and brilliantly about the Mariners (his open letter to Rafael Chavez famously helped King Felix to a great performance, after which he credited the blog), he doesn't get compensated for his work and time. Until a few days ago, Cameron held a comfortable lead in the poll.

Until a little-known political blog, also up for the scholarship but with very few votes, began bombing Daily Kos with pleas to help him win the scholarship simply because he agreed with them politically. The ravenous Kos followers obliged, and their man now sits a few hundred votes in front of Cameron.

GO VOTE FOR DAVE CAMERON. This isn't just about a scholarship. This is about good versus evil. About David versus Goliath. And about baseball versus politics. Need I remind you which is more important? I need. It's baseball. Duh.

Reason #41: Pontius Pilate

Oops. I meant PORTLAND PILOTS.

Come on! Cut me a break. Those guys look super similar and they both have done some crucifying as of late if you know what I mean...yeah? yeah? yeah?

Aw. Too soon? TOO BAD! The Portland Pilots hung Jon Brockman and Co. out to dry to the tune of a 80-74 disgrace of a game in which the Invisible Man a.k.a. Quincy Pointdexter did jack diddly poo ONCE AGAIN.

How do you play 25 minutes and SCORE 0 POINTS? If Brockman hadn't ripped off his shirt to show the S on his chest to the tune of 30 points and 14 rebounds, the Huskies would have been blown out. BY PORTLAND.

Great school. Great city. But the only thing they should beat UW in is potheads per capita.

Oh and that whole improvment on the free throws thing...yeah...about that. 60% is not good. You know what's worse? 3-16 from 3 Point range. You know, I never thought I'd say it but...I miss Ryan Applaklsjflkasdjflafklsdj

Sorry. That was me driving my skull into my keyboard.

Reason #40: Ronnie Fouch

There's a reason you can't spell Fouch without the 'ouch.'Selected statistics for Washington QB Ronnie Fouch, 2008

Pass attempts: 227
Pass completions: 99
Touchdown passes: 4
Interceptions: 11
QB efficiency rating: 85.0
Rushing yards: -95
Wins: nope
Losses: yup
Curses of 'dammit, Ronnie' induced: 15,006
Emotion Jake Locker feels when watching Ronnie Fouch: >:(

Reason #39: Tim Lincecum

Awful baseball team seeking likable young man, preferably a pitcher, between the ages of 23 and 25 years old. Must be from the area, preferably attending both high school and college in the same greater metropolitan zone as the team in question. Must have goofy smile, goofy hair, goofy windup and a Cy Young in his 2nd season while striking out 265 batters. Interests should include: being unhittable, being a fan favorite and getting on the cover of video games.

Brandon Marrow need not apply

Reason #38.5

"Allright Ness, I don't think you knew the Bedard trade was a bad idea. No one did at the time. We didn't know he was a classless douchebag until he showed up in Seattle. Besides, Adam Jones sucks...really, he does. He is not that good." -ttzby13

I'd like to thank the commenter on the below post for allowing me to have a bit of fun. Rarely is a person wrong in so many ways in such a short period of time, so I salute you.

"I don't think you knew the Bedard trade was a bad idea" Nope. I was against it from the first rumor. I have an Adam Jones sign in my room. I have records of multiple emails I sent after the Bedard trade went down, most containing profanity and angry faces. If reader 'mbad' comes thru, he has my back on this.

"No one did at the time." Well, since I did, that's false, but a lot of other Mariners fans with more knowledge than me did as well. Here's one. Hey, here's another. And they're the two smartest guys in the Mariners blogosphere. Whaddya know.

"he was a classless douchebag" Huh? Because he doesn't answer the media's questions? As someone who knows the sports media pretty dang well, I can tell you that many of those reporters tread the line from inane to downright offensive, so I respect him for not taking their crap. But because he does this, he gets bad stuff written and said about him, calling him things like classless. By all accounts, away from the stadium he's a soft-spoken, humble, friendly guy. So put that in the 'wrong' column.

"Adam Jones sucks..." Now you're just being silly. Adam Jones is 23. He had 37 XBH's in 132 games, hit .270. Know what RZR is? A measure of who covers the most ground in the outfield. Know who was the best at it last year? Adam Jones. He has the biggest range in baseball. I repeat - he's 23. Do ya like Alex Rios? Because that's Jones in 3-4 years barring injuries. Either you are wildly, hilariously wrong, or you just have a huge definition of the word 'suck.' By your standards, maybe Albert Pujols is kinda alright at baseball and Ray Charles would have made a passable lounge singer.

Hey, that was fun. Remember, readers - this blog welcomes your comments!

Reason #38: Chip Hale

Of the seven men who are vying for the job of Mariners manager for the next two years until they get fired because we still suck, Chip Hale is an unlikely one. He's currently a 3rd base coach in the National League, and his only managerial credentials came with 3 years at AAA Tucson. He won manager of the year in '07, but mostly because Arizona's minor leagues were so stacked then that they would have roasted today's Mariners in a 7 game series. So what does Mr. Hale have to say about why he should be our next fearless leader?

"My thing is, play the game the right way... I played under Tom Kelly in Minnesota and the thing he used to preach is 'Respect the game.' I came through that system. We just did things the right way."

So does that mean wearing socks and shoes at EVERY game, not riding bicycles around the bases (sorry, Yuni and Jose), not drawing swastikas in the infield dirt...? What the hell does 'respect the game' really mean? That's just a vague phrase like the 'war on terror' which sounds important and all but specifically refers to exactly nothing. Hmm. So much for brilliant strategy. How's his player evaluation skills? Wait, hang on - per Geoff Baker, "For the record, he thought the Erik Bedard trade was a good one for the M's and made sense."

Um. What. My dog knew that trade didn't make any sense, though admittedly he's a very smart dog. So, uh, why exactly should we be considering hiring Mr. Chip Hale again...

He was a scrappy white infielder with no baseball skills whatsoever??? Done. Sold. Signed sealed and delivered, uh huh.

Reason #37: Ricky Williams

Wow. Did someone replace the grass in the end zone at Dolphin Stadium with the chronic? Did Snoop Dogg draw up some trick plays out of the Wildcat Formation? Were Cheech and Chong playing safety for the Seahawks? Oops, that was Brian Russell, which is probably a little worse than two 70 year old stoners.

Ok, I'm out of pot jokes but golly gee whiz, Ricky Williams just ran for 105 yards and a touchdown, busting out in a 21-19 victory over the Hawks like his cleavage in this wedding dress.

It was for the first time he went over a hundred yards since the last game of 2005 season. Do you know what's happened since 2005? The United States elected a black president! That's how much the world has changed. Good lord. Get with the times, Seattle. Racism isn't cool anymore and neither is Ricky Williams going beast mode.

Reason #36: Scott Boras

Can't you just see the dollar signs in his eyes?

Bora$, baseball's super-agent, was instrumental in taking Alex Rodriguez away from Seattle. Reportedly* during the brief negotiations Bora$ asked for "a metric ass-ton of money." That didn't happen, so off to Texas (and eventually New York) A-Rod went. But taking away Seattle's last true superstar wasn't enough for Bora$. Oh, no.

Now he's back to take away our Willie Bloomquist.

Noooooooo! You demon, Boras, you demon! Not Willie, our jack-of-all-trades local boy! Not the god of grit and the hero of hustle! Not the man who gives 110% even though it is physically impossible and some day will kill him! Oh, Willie, you don't realize what you're doing. All the tens of millions of dollars you're bound to recieve can buy you happiness, but they can't buy you a place in the hearts of your loyal fans. Remember that, Willie. Remember.




(*as reported by my imagination)

Reason #35: David Jones

Good news! The University of Washington Basketball team received 19 points in the pre-season AP poll, putting the team in the solid position of being unofficially ranked 35th in the nation.

Bad News! 17 of the points came from one man who ranked us 9th in the nation, no other than Mr. David Jones of the Harrisburg, P.A. Patriot News, who accord to this website, created the worst pre-season poll of any writer who has ever lived.

Look, I sip the Husky Kool-Aid about as much as anyone but there is no way in Pullman (or Hell, take your pick) that they should be ranked anywhere above 20th and that's a huge stretch. This team is filled with guys who have proven nothing, other than the big fella in the middle, Jon Brockman.

Check it out some of Jones' "daring moves":

Oklahoma:
Jones Rank: 3rd
AP Rank: 12th

Gonzaga:
Jones Rank: 25th
AP Rank: 10th

Michigan State:
Jones Rank: 22nd
AP Rank: 6th

M-Pop and the Funky Bunch
Jones Rank: 1st
AP Rank: SHUT YO MOUTH, YOU FREAKIN' HACK. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TAKE AWAY THIS GUY'S MEMBERSHIP? LORD ALMIGHTY

I will say this: If Jones turns out to be Miss Cleo up in here and the Huskies prove themselves worthy of a Top Ten ranking at any time this year, I will print out this post and eat it, sans any condiments other than hot sauce.

Delicious.

Reason #34: The murder of Ed McMichael

If you've been to a few Sonics, Mariners or Seahawks games over the years, you have seen and probably appreciated Ed McMichael without knowing it. Ed was the Tuba Guy, the man sitting outside the arena or stadium before and after almost every sporting event. He was recognized by all. The Tuba Guy could have played in a band but instead chose to play solo, frequently in the cold, to collect tips and smiles from strangers. He would play slowly and sad after losses, and joyously after victories. He was one of the best known, if not the very best, sports fan in the city over the last 15 or so years.

It saddens me greatly that I have to use the past tense in describing him. On October 25 he was attacked by a group, beaten, kicked and robbed. He died from his injuries two days ago.

I don't want to dwell on the type of lowlifes that would attack and effectively murder a 53 year old man. Karma will have their own way of getting back to them, and it will be swift and painful. No, I'd rather remember Ed. I've seen him more times than I can count - I had given him friendly smiles many times, change occasionally and a spare ticket once. He was a bright spot after the most miserable of Mariner or Sonic losses. I want a memorial to this man, whose contributions to the Seattle sports scene could never be measured but were undeniably apparent and wonderful. I want a big brass tuba monument between Safeco and Quest Fields, beside which other buskers can play to their hearts content. Here's to the Tuba Guy.

You can send donations to this address.
Edward the Tuba Man McMichael Memorial Fund
P.O. Box 4985
Federal Way 98063

Reason #33: Because Venoy Overton Can't Do This

Reason #32: North Texas University

They're the next college football powerhouse, I'm telling you. Led by sensational sophomore quarterback and part time Italian mobster Giovanni Vizza, the North Texas Mean Green are on a roll. They're tough and mean, and are about to make other college programs green with envy. After last week's 51-40 thrill ride, with four touchdowns passed for by V-to-the-izz-A, who would deny North Texas their place among college footballs elite?



Uh, everyone, that's who. Because it was the first win on the season for North Texas, and it came over fellow awful team Western Kentucky.

However, both North Texas and Western Kentucky have one thing in common - they're won a game this season. In fact, they share this honor with every other major program in the country. Except for one. That would be the formerly proud and mighty University of Washington. With North Texas's win this weekend, the Huskies are the only remaining major college program without a football win. They are the worst team in the country.

aaaaughghghghghg