Awful baseball team seeking likable young man, preferably a pitcher, between the ages of 23 and 25 years old. Must be from the area, preferably attending both high school and college in the same greater metropolitan zone as the team in question. Must have goofy smile, goofy hair, goofy windup and a Cy Young in his 2nd season while striking out 265 batters. Interests should include: being unhittable, being a fan favorite and getting on the cover of video games.
Brandon Marrow need not apply
