Reason #4: Jim Moore

Oh, Jim Moore, how you humor me. Unintentionally, of course.

First of all, he calls himself the “Go 2 Guy”. I don’t think that point needs any elaboration – that’s simply one of the worst nicknames ever. He tried to get cute and break away from his normal obnoxious Cougar homer self, and he picked the Huskies to beat Oklahoma. Yup, that was a good idea. Instead of being a refreshing break from his brainless bashing of the school he oh-so-cleverly calls “Probation Nation,” he just managed to look silly in a whole new way.

But the heart of the problem with Moore is his inane style. In his latest article on the Mariners, where Moore shows up just a little late on the Stephen Strasberg bandwagon, he begins with each paragraph containing as few possible sentences as possible: 1, 1, 2, 1, 1, 2, 2, 2, 1, 1, 1, 2, 1. And in the whole article, not a single paragraph over 3 sentences long. Amazing. That would have got low marks at my high school. Does he not have the patience to form an entire, legitimate paragraph? Does he just have a deep-seated desire to press the enter button as much as possible? The world may never know.

This is no aberration; it’s simply the unique and ridiculous writing style of the equally ridiculously named Go 2 Guy. His other recent article (on the Storm) contains a couple lines of 3, and 1 miraculous line of 4 sentences. Everything else is 1 or 2. Counting by number of sentences, the article starts off 1, 1, 2, 2, 1, 2, 1, 2. It’s like he’s playing minesweeper.

In the latter article, he unleashed this 1-sentence gem of a paragraph: “Cooper's team appeared to have a little more talent and tenacity this night, which was hard to explain because the Storm dusted the Sparks in Game 2 at KeyArena on Sunday afternoon.” Now, come on, Jim. I don’t know the second thing about the WNBA (the first thing being that it is a national association of basketball played by women), and I know that it’s easy to explain. Here goes - the best team doesn’t always win. And the team who was better in the last game doesn’t always win, either. Because if that were true, WHO WOULD WIN THE FIRST GAME BETWEEN THE TEAMS? There is no logical answer! My god, Moore, have you stumbled upon a paradox that could reveal the answers to mysteries about the very nature of time?!? …no, wait, you just aren’t a very good writer. Got it.

Fortunately for everyone, Jim Moore is confined to the P.I. Unfortunately for everyone, many Puget Sounders still read that paper, so his uncreative, unoriginal and just plain lame writing still gets read by thousands. And as long as they do, Seattle sports fans will be dumber. Stop the madness, everyone. The Go 2 Guy needs to go away.