Reason #2: Carlos Silva

This is Carlos Silva.
Carlos Silva is a professional baseball player for the Seattle Mariners. Carlos Silva was a free agent going into the past offseason. Carlos Silva had decent career statistics, about average for a #3 pitcher, but was aided by the fact that he is an extreme pitch to contact pitcher and that he had a good defense behind him in the Twin Cities. The main suitor for Silva in the offseason was the Seattle Mariners, despite a recent history of signing pitchers to large contracts with poor results.

The Seattle Mariners signed Carlos Silva to a 4 year, 48 million dollar deal. His deal includes award bonuses: $0.2 M for winning the Cy Young, $50,000 each for winning the LCS MVP, Gold Glove, or being named to the All Star team. And $0.1 M for being named World Series MVP.

This season, Carlos Silva gave up 114 runs in 153 innings pitched. He sported a 6.46 ERA and a 1.6 WHIP. He gave up 213 hits while striking out only 69 batters. He gave up more than 3 times as many hits than strikeouts. He was one of the worst 5 starting pitchers in the major leagues.

Carlos Silva is fat. Carlos Silva refers to himself in the third person as ‘Chief.’ Carlos Silva has, on multiple occasions, threatened his teammates, and was likely the guilty party who threatened to beat up the team’s best player, Ichiro. Two months ago, in a long and vague rant against some of his teammates, Silva said, "Instead of moving a runner, they (Mariners hitters) want to get a base hit just because of the numbers. Instead of to get a ground ball, maybe I want to strike him out because of my numbers, you know what I mean?” In baseball, a base hit is better than just moving the runner over and a strikeout is almost always better than a ground ball. Carlos Silva apparently does not know this. Carlos Silva is a professional baseball player.

This season, the Seattle Mariners finished with 61 wins and 101 losses, the worst in the American League. They were also the first team to spend 100 million dollars and lose over 100 games.

The Seattle Mariners signed Carlos Silva to a 4 year, 48 million dollar deal. His deal includes award bonuses: $0.2 M for winning the Cy Young, $50,000 each for winning the LCS MVP, Gold Glove, or being named to the All Star team. And $0.1 M for being named World Series MVP.