Reason #30: Gregg Popovich

Let's get the obvious out of the way. Popovich coached the San Antonio Spurs to victory over the Sonics in the 2005 playoffs, with Ray Allen's buzzer-beating shot clanging off to end Game 6, the series and Seattle's most recent run in the professional basketball playoffs. He also turned Bruce Bowen from a moderately bad small forward into an evil ankle-stomping cyborg. But that's not why he's on this list. Nor is it that he consistantly produces the least entertaining basketball to watch since the Washington Generals intra-squad scrimmages.

No, the reason Popovich is listed is because this is no longer funny.



Fouling the big fella five seconds into the game? Watching Shaq stand there, dumbfounded like Mongo from Blazing Saddles, and finally getting the joke? Nope. Not funny. Not even close. Because I hate you, Shaq. Kazaam was awful and your raps are the single worst noises to ever be recorded onto compact discs. I hate you, Greg Popovich. Your beard is ridiculous and your team is boring. I hate you, large association of basketball teams that pay players money. You are stupid. Nyeah nyeah.

Reason #27: OKC vs. LAL

You used to be our token white guy, Nick Collison.

I never thought three letters could hurt me so bad (I always figured it would take at least four or five) but flipping on ESPN to see that OKC at the bottom of the screen broke my little heart.

But then Andrew Bynum dunked all over Johan Petro and I felt better. It turns out that if you sucked in one city, then you probably still suck in another less populated, less educated, less money making, LESS COOL city.

Is 10-72 too much to ask for?

Reason #26: Jim McIlvaine

The goal of every sports franchise is to build a dynasty, a team that competes in its arena of play at an extremely high level, perennial contenders for a championship. It takes foresight, it takes creative thinking, and it takes a little bit of luck. A dynasty is an incredibly hard thing to create.

But all it takes to undo one is 85 inches.

That’s the height of Jim McIlvaine, the 7’1” former Seattle center that casual Sonics fans have long since forgotten, and that hardcore fans would like to forget. You see, after the 1996 season in which the Sonics were denied the NBA title by the Bulls, the best team the NBA’s ever seen, McIlvaine was a free agent. At the same time, superstar Sonic Shawn Kemp was asking for a salary increase, one which he deserved to keep up with the rapid escalation of contract sizes. But the team instead gave McIlvaine, who had averaged under 3 points and 3 rebounds that season, the keys to the vault.

You don’t do that. You just never, ever do that. If you have an immensely talented, relatively young player that just took you to the Finals and can do it again, you pay him. No questions asked. You don’t give an unproven shot-block specialist priority over Shawn Friggin Kemp. He and Gary Payton were the dream duo – Kemp was the peanut butter to Payton’s jelly, the Coke to his rum. They were the best two players the franchise had ever seen, and they were broken up because to a few misguided people, Jim McIlvaine deserved the big money more.

The result of the story is a tragend - tragic legend – the Sonics never again made the Finals, McIlvaine was an enormous bust, never averaging more than 4 points or 4 rebounds per game, and Kemp was traded away the following year. The Reign Man’s career would never again be the same, as he battled weight problems, alcohol and an addiction to a different kind of coke.

That 1996 season would be the last peak in the history of Seattle professional basketball. The rest that followed was a slow downhill death spiral into oblivion. And Jim McIlvaine, all 85 inches of him, was one of the many factors that caused the downfall of the Sonics.

Reason #17: Jordan Farmar

Oops.
There we go.

Really, I got no beef with Jordan Farmar, the man who flaps his ears to dunk. Without him, I would have never known the joy that came from this:


Even though the Huskies have had more talented (2005) and seriously just straight up better teams (2006), UCLA has been able to get over the hump and into the Final Four, oh, I don't know, every single freakin' year while UW cannot and will not get past the Sweet Sixteen. Ever. If you can't do it with with this guy holding down the boards, you never will.

I love you, Zane.

Reason #16: Rodney Stuckey

I'm a huge, huge fan of Rodney Stuckey. I watched him play for Kentwood in high school at a holiday basketball tournament and was incredibly excited for his future as a college baller. Dude was just way outclassing everyone else on the court. Coach Lorenzo Romar of UW was interested in him, he was interested in UW. He would team up with the remainder of a solid Huskies team and lead them back to the NCAA tournament. At least, that's what I thought.

Rodney Stuckey enrolled at Eastern Washington. Apparently Stuckey wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, because he couldn't get the grades necessary to get him into the UW and a Huskies uniform. Now, it's hard to be mad about this - how can you blame UW for having high academic standards? Regardless, this isn't something that's going to go away. The Huskies will miss out on some of the top prospects due to non-basketball reasons. That's just the way it goes. But damn, could we have used a guy talented enough to be the #15 pick in the NBA draft.

Since the NBA is dead to us in Seattle, the only way Stuckey will become relevant again is if he starts a blog. Maybe he could take some advice from Buffalo RB Marshawn Lynch on his literary career. I quote from Lynches blog: "i cant find da words to say how happy i am 4 beatin dem bay boys da 1st time i played dem. it was a fun and hella close game... shots out 2 j roc" jamarcus russell" and darren mcfadden. town biz! lol" Perhaps Stuckey can follow in Lynches footsteps. He clearly has the intellect to do it.